Everyone has known pain in their lives, but not everyone reacts to it the same way. Some people cry, some people shut down, some people cut. To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.  myMag had the very special opportunity to speak with its founder Jamie Tworkowski on how love is a movement.

How did To Write Love on Her Arms start?
It’s surprising because I didn’t mean to start a nonprofit. I just wanted to help a friend and tell a story. I spent five days with a girl who I had just met, she was denied entry into a treatment center in Orlando and was dealing with addiction, depression, self-injury, and had attempted suicide. These were her first days sober in a long time, coming back to life and being willing to take that first step towards getting help.

This group of us stayed up late talking about her story and the choices, and really the road that had led her. She was 19 at the time.  Halfway through, I was really moved by the whole thing. I didn’t know at the time what the question meant, but I asked her what she thought about telling her story. I expected her to say no because it was such a vulnerable question. Instead, she actually said she loved the idea. She used some phrases that I tend to quote a lot, but she said that she loved that maybe there could be a purpose for her pain, that other people could maybe relate to her story and maybe even find hope in her story. If any of those things could happen, it would really be reason enough for her to share those things.

After five days, she entered treatment and I sat down and wrote two pages. I kept coming back to this title that was a bit long and a bit awkward, that was To Write Love on Her Arms. It was a phrase was really a goal about believing that she could know a new life, a better life.

Kind of long story short, I made a MySpace page to give the story a home. Then I realized that her treatment was going to cost money and I started to sell t-shirts to raise money. I had some friends in a band called Switchfoot who happened to be in Florida when the first box of shirts showed up. My friend Jon (Foreman) wore the shirt at a show and my friend Chad (Butler) wore the shirt the next night. It’s hopefully kind of a tasteful billboard where you see it from across the room and it’s this weird, provocative title that makes people ask questions.

From that night three years ago ‘til now, hundreds and hundreds, now thousands of messages have come in where we realized that the story that we set out to tell was one that represented people all over the world. People began to write us with questions, and shared parts of their stories. People that had lost loved ones to suicide, people that needed help, people writing on behalf of a friend, people admitting that they didn’t have a clue and they wanted to learn. Fast forward, it’s now close to 100 thousand messages and emails from 40 different countries. We’ve been able to give just under half a million dollars directly to treatment and recovery.

Read the full story here: TWLOHA

Why do you think it is taboo to talk about feeling depressed or struggling with self-injury?
I think there is a stigma. These are things that people don’t talk about, so they remain things that people don’t talk about. We have a tough time with pain. I think we don’t know what to do with it. To me, pain is the common thread in all these different issues and topics that we talk about. Everyone can relate to pain.

The idea of being healthy or not healthy hinges on that question of what we do with our pain. How do we respond to it? The sad thing is that because these things tend to stay silent, people believe it’s okay to not talk about these issues. If I said this to a friend, how would that friend respond? We’re afraid to be judged. We’re afraid to be left alone.

Opening up is the first step that most people never take. We feel that’s the first step to getting help or even being honest. I think so many people don’t believe they can, and maybe don’t realize that this is part of being human. It’s easy to think that I’m the only one that feels this way, thinks these thoughts or struggles with this. The reality is that this is very common. Part of being alive on this planet is dealing with these issues of pain.

We compare it to a broken arm. If someone had a broken arm, we’d have no problem getting them the help that they need. We’d get them a ride to the hospital. If someone had the flu, we’d get them the medicine that they need. Yet when it comes to mental health or depression or even addiction, for some reason because it’s this taboo subject, we don’t respond the same way. I think one of the things that we’ve been most excited about it to kind of breakdown that stigma.

Have you dealt with some of these issues yourself, or is it more about seeing the struggles that people have gone through around you?
I would say both. For me, I’d say depression. I’ve never really struggled with addiction. I’ve never struggled with cutting myself or wanting to go there. I’ve dealt with depression, and probably still do. Beyond me, I’m aware of it in the lives of people that I’m closed to. People that I care about, whether that’s in the past or when I look at some friends or even family today. It is very personal. My guess would be that anyone who sees this organization finds themselves.

What advice do you offer to people who come to your organization for coping without turning to some of these more self-destructive methods?
It starts with not being alone. It starts with letting people in. We hear that so many people feel so very much alone in these places. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have any friends. I think it’s very possible to have a cell phone filled with numbers, but it doesn’t mean that anyone really knows us or that we let anyone know us. I think it starts with being intentional with letting people see the hard stuff and hear the hard stuff – really inviting people in to see the questions and the struggles and the pain. You deserve real friends who celebrate with you as well. I think if someone really knows you or me, they get invited to all of it.

Our hope is that people can have real friendships where there’s trust and honesty. Hopefully those are people who can journey with us; someone who goes with you to counseling for the first time or is in the room when you pick up the phone and make a difficult call. We also talk about community as a form of treatment. I wouldn’t say as a replacement, especially for those whose issues are intense or really heavy and difficult, but for so many people it starts there. They don’t even have a community or a support system…

You’ve worked with so many different bands and music festivals. How does music fit into what TWLOHA does?
I believe that music can be really significant and powerful. We don’t see it as a marketing vehicle. We really believe it can be something special. Going back to some of the first conversations that I had with Renee, she would talk about how much music was a source of hope for her when things were difficult. I think two of the five nights that I first spent with her we went to shows those nights. It’s always been part of our DNA, which I also think has been part of how bands have responded. It’s hard not to imagine it being so connected to the fiber of who we are. 

Another healing power that you write about is “God is Love.” There are so many different concepts out there about what God means. Can you expand on this personally or for your organization?
The To Write Love on Her Arms story that I wrote has a lot of language that represents what I believe, which is also what Renee believes. It surprises people that there’s this obvious Christian language in the story, but we have chosen to not call ourselves a Christian organization - we don’t see ourselves that way. We don’t want that label. I think it’s because it’s a word that’s been really abused and misrepresented. What we didn’t want to do is create something that would feel judgmental or would push people away. We really wanted to create a project that would be inviting or would meet people as they are. The greatest compliments that we get are rooted in this idea that people feel accepted or they feel understood.

The lens I see the world through is one where I believe in a God who loves me; one who, if he met you, wouldn’t scream at you. So, maybe I have some ideas that are different than the reputation of the church. The church is known as a people who are really excited about their answers, telling people how to think and vote, telling people what is right and what is wrong. They’re not known for being very good at meeting people in the questions, the really hard questions that so many people live with.

I think we’re trying to create a culture or an environment where people can bring their questions, can bring the stuff that hurts. I love trying to create an environment that encourages people to ask real questions, to wrestle with things. It doesn’t get much heavier than trying to write or communicate to someone why life is worth living. I think at the heart of it we’re talking about the human condition.