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>>
>>
>>*I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned
>>that most people die of natural causes.
>>
>>
>>*Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make
>>sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant
>>is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground
>>easily, it is a valuable plant.
>>
>>
>>*The easiest way to find something lost around the
>>house is to buy a replacement.
>>
>>
>>*Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive
>>anyway.
>>
>>
>>*There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the
>>dead.
>>
>>
>>*Life is sexually transmitted.
>>
>>
>>*Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which
>>one can die.
>>
>>
>>*The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
>>depth.
>>
>>
>>*Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for
>>anything, but you still can't help but smile when you
>>see one tumble down the stairs.
>>
>>
>>*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying
>>in hospitals dying of nothing.
>>
>>
>>*Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these
>>days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
>>
>>
>>*Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
>>
>>
>>*All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It
>>pays no attention to criticism.
>>
>>
>>*In the 60's, people took acid to make the world
>>weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac
>>to make it normal.
>>
>>
>>*Politics is supposed to be the second oldest
>>profession. I have come to realize that it bears a
>>very close resemblance to the first.
>>
>>
>>*How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
>>but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
>>
>>
>>*Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I
>>think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink
>> whatever comes out?"
>>
>>
>>*Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
>>freezer?
>>
>>
>>*If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
>>song about him?
>>
>>
>>*Why do people point to their wrist when asking for
>>the time, but don't point to their crotch when they
>>ask where the bathroom is?
>>
>>
>>*Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get
>>undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
>>
>>
>>*Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
>>fours? They're both dogs!
>>
>>
>>*If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that
>>Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
>>
>>
>>*If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
>>
>>
>>*If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
>>made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
>>
>>
>>*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
>>come from morons?
>>
>>
>>*Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little
>>Star have the same tune?
>>
>>
>>*Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
>>Soup?
>>
>>
>>*Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
>>face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a
>>car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
>>
>>
>>*Does pushing the elevator button more than once make
>>it arrive faster?
>>
>>
>>*Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Lol, you can take it if you want, I think I'm gonna find a new one anyways.

lol i love it :)