2008 proved to be an education in contentment for me. It was a hard learned lesson, and many times I tried to swim against the tide of change. When the year was over and I surveyed all the chaos...I had to admit I was lacking. I swallow back the tears now having to admit that. It's always easy to be content when things are going well, but when things fall apart on so many levels as it did in my life, it's tantamount to desperately trying to hold back a flooded basement with a teaspoon. The people I lost to death can and have to be accepted, however hard! They're gone. Death is the great equalizer for all, man or beast. The most devastating though of all losses? It's my teaspoon in the flooded basement multiplied a hundred times over, the loss of a dream. When a relationship falls apart that analogy is not overly dramatizing the situation. I was convinced that if I loved enough, or more to the point just being in love with each other, our relationship would survive. It didn't! With the dissolution of 'us' all we hoped for together disappeared. I lost my best friend. I lost someone I respected above all others. I lost the person who knows me better than the woman who gave birth to me. It's rare to know a man who takes your breath away when he enters a room or causes you to smile knowingly when he looks into your eyes. This woman believes that we each get one opportunity to hear a voice that calls our name in such a way as to make the heart flutter and skip a beat. This woman is convinced that there is only one man in all the world that she would be willing to risk her life for in an attempt to have a baby. I dare not speak for him but my loss is great, to miss so much with him. To him I say, "I am so sorry! Please forgive my many errors! It would hurt me more if what happened with us changed who you are inside. You deserve everything good in life. I envy the woman who is fortunate enough to make a life with you! I long for 'us'. Though I have and always will love you, I have finally dropped the teaspoon."

****First, I do not, nor will I ever perform on cam for anyone's entertainment! I am sure the world is filled with empty-headed people who want to strip-on-demand for the amusement of strangers. I am not one of such people! My mother, God rest her soul, raised me with more class than that. Second, my bra size is between me, my God, and my man. Never ask! Third, What you see of me on my photo page is enough and more than you should ever need to know about me, in a fleshly manner. Demonstrate some respect! Step off!****