"TO GOD - FROM THE DOG: > Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? > Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? (Obviously this dog is not from my family ) > Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"? > >Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog? > >Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? > >Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. > >Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize? > >Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember - to be a good dog. >1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. > >2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, worms, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. > >3 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty. > >4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. > >5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.. neither are Mom and Dad's laps. > >6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. > >7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. > >8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration. > >9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. > >10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello". > >11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table. > >12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after. > >13. I will not throw up in the car. > >14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt. > >15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company. > >16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. > >And, finally, My last question . . . > >Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back? "