Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studyin
WOW! we have a regular Dracula on our hands! You have everything the sins, the girls/guys, the blood, and the mystery!yay! how i envy you...just joking.
People w/ blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They r kind, pretty or handsome & very good kissers. They always fall n love w/ there closest friends and never understand why, they r very funny and outgoing and don't care what people think or say. They r very satisfying and love 2 please. They can EXCEED your pleasure standards.
Damn...you really know how to work it and keep the heat up for a long time. You probably experiment and tease a lot. Your partner thinks you're a kinky bitch and loves doing it with you. You keep it coming and know how to make it fun. You really know how to pull an all-nighter and make it extra special. You get the caressing, teasing, and experimenting in all in night. It makes you even more irresistible and the sex even more intimate.
No, I'm not talking about what you do in bed-- you've got that part covered. But when things get serious emotionally, you tend to back away. You're what we call a ''commitmentophobe.'' Whether it's because you fear letting someone into your life or that you're scared of getting hurt or that you're just not sure that there isn't a better out there, settling down with one person practically gives you hives. Whatever the reason, it's important to get to the root of the problem and solve it. Giving a part of yourself to someone else in a relationship certainly is intense, but if you're with the right person, you're likely to gain more than you'll lose.
Can you get enough sex?? Aside from being immune to mace you have many other skills. You can fly a plane... And have sex with anyone... anywhere. Except for Lois
Dude, you're totally hair raising, out of your mind, no sense of reality, 100% INSANE! I mean we're talking Britney Spears level here! So tell us, how does it feel to live in your world? We imagine it's pretty difficult for you to function on a daily basis. You may feel ostracized by your abnormal thought process and your unconventional way of life, but that's okay. Just assume that everyone else doesn't understand your true genius!
You're the prototypical ninja of stealth and cunning. You have the ability to be poised and ready for attack in the same stall of someone going to the bathroom without being noticed. It's quite the talent. You fight for truth and justice and often further your craft by doing splits above lush, scenic backdrops. You care about the natural world and have sworn to protect it. Luckily, you have the skills to do just that.
You're methodical and patient in your ways, which only exist because it's in your nature to do what you must. You don't really take pleasure in offing someone, but you need someone else's blood to survive. Hey, better them than you, right?
Able to tolerate years of sub-zero temperatures, up to five months of darkness a year, and weeks without food, the arctic wolf lives in one of the few places on earth where it is safe from the greatest threat of all - man. Arctic wolves inhabit some of the most inhospitable terrain in the world. In April, the air temperature rarely rises above -22 F. The ground is permanently frozen. The arctic wolf is one of the few mammals that can tolerate these conditions. Details of the animal's life through much of the year are virtually unknown.Their face is larger and less pointed and ears are more rounded. The tail is long, bushy and black tipped.
People w/ blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They r kind, pretty or handsome & very good kissers. They always fall n love w/ there closest friends and never understand why, they r very funny and outgoing and don't care what people think or say. They r very satisfying and love 2 please. They can EXCEED your pleasure standards.
You are quiet to most people, but when you are left alone, you are very loud. People love you for your mystery, because you are the only one who understands you.
Camaro....what else is there to say...2fast2furious...lol your a racer and you like to take chances and risks with your life and your money....but no doubt you not a loser. Your very fun and people like that.
You broke up with your significant other and miss that person dearly. Looking back on everything, you remember all the fond moments and wish to rekindle that feeling. You would do anything for this person and the regret that you have is affecting your life. Cheer up...your song may be beautiful but the way you feel is not.
hi plz watch the video i made its on my page and tell me in a flirt what u think also add me to ur family as ur dirty lil secret thanks=] muahz u are so awesome i tell u thanks for all ur love and support i hope u like the lunch money i give u everyday also plz add me to ur top friends muahz
pink is for...;) hey babys heres some pics for u i hope u like them plz message me in my inbox or flirts i cant sleep and i wanna talk also add me to ur family as ur wetwet by going to my page and clicking family then where it says other click that and write lil wet wet in there thanks hun dont forget to hit me up and let me know i cant sleep and im the only one awake:) also let me know if the battle on my page is over hun and the sticker i just gave u i may put as my background i have hotter ones but dont wanna get introuble add my 1 and second friend im gonna put some hotter ones on there and my other backups some are in my top i have to add the rest ill let u know, plz dont keep me waiting tell me when u added me as ur wet wet:)
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.
''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''
At the pet shop, a man spots a parrot without any feet. The man leans in, "Hey buddy, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a hook."
"Wow," says the guy. "I can't believe you're so smart! I'm taking you home."
Weeks go by, and the parrot not only understands everything the man says, but he gives good advice. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Hey, I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the mailman."
"What happened?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then, the mailman came into the house and lifted up your wife's nightgown," reports the parrot.
"Oh no!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"I don't know," says the parrot. "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and she agreed. He asked her if she knew his company,Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, the answer was "Yes." Asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse." The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; but I know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?" "Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. He turns to her... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make love. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" The woman says, "You can have any prize on the bottom shelf"
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you have to help me!" The doctor asks, "What's your problem?" The guy says, "Every morning I wake up with my 'morning flagpole'...give the wife a quick one, and then go to work. On the way to work, I carpool with the next door neighbor's wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work. Once I get there, I do some work and then at morning tea time, I go into the photocopy room and crank one out with one of the young office girls. At lunch, I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good boning. For afternoon tea, I give the boss's wife a good servicing. Then, I go home and slip the maid a few inches. Then at night, I give the wife another screw......." "So...????" asked the doctor. "What's your problem???" The guy says, "Well, it hurts when I masturbate!"
Two teenagers wander off to the bushes during a softball game on the outskirts of town and start necking. After a while the boy stops. "You know we've been doing this for a few weeks now and I think it's time we went all the way," he pleads. "Well, maybe," she says, "But I'm a virgin and I heard it hurts. Besides all those people at the field may hear us." The boy stops and says, "Hmmm, well then if it hurts, start making cow sounds, and I'll stop. But if it feels good start singing. That way no one will ever guess what we're really doing." The girl agrees so they quickly take off their clothes and get down to business. Ten minutes later people watching the game hear sounds echoing through the quiet countryside so loudly that the teams stop playing. "Moooo ..... Moooooo ...... Moooooooon River .......!"
Retired gentlemen went to apply for social security. After waiting in line for quite a long time, he arrives at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he has left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home, "will I have to go home and come back now?" he ask. The woman says, "unbutton your shirt." he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" as she processes his social security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about this experience at social security office. She says, "you should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too."
A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going *up*! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver - by this time scared out of his wits - yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "Fuck no! Do you know anything about lighting gas stoves?"
One day a man was sleeping and the neighbor,a beautiful blond girl, entered his house, woke him up and said, "What is that between your legs?" He replied that is "my bird." He went back to sleep. She came back later and said, "What's that furry stuff around your bird?" He replied that's "my nest." So he went back to sleep. She came back later. "What's those two things under it?" He said those are "the eggs." She said, "Okay, can I play with your bird,and he said "ok." When he woke up later, he noticed that he was in the hospital. He saw the little girl and asked, "what happened?" She said, "When I was playing with your bird he spit in my eye so I chopped off his head, burnt down his nest and busted his eggs!"
A man walked into an appliance store and asked the price of a 25" remote controlled color television set. "One dollar," the clerk replied. "You've got to be kidding." "Look, Mac," the clerk said, "do you want it or not?" Of course, the customer gave him a dollar. On the way out with his incredible bargain, the suctomer saw a big frost-free refrigerator with automatic ice maker. "How much for that?" he asked the clerk. "Fifty cents," came the reply. The customer forked over the half dollar, saying, "What the heck is going on here?" "Nothing is goining on here," the clerk snapped. "But my boss is at my house with my wife. And what he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business."
While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who was pretty and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, he found out she had a superb body as well. Unfortunately, the executive found himself unable to perform. On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the bedroom to find his wife covered in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair curled, her face creamed, munching candy loudly while she pored through a movie magazine. Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent erection. Looking down at this, he snarled, "Why you ungrateful, mixed-up son of a bitch. Now I know why they call you a prick!"
A chicken and an egg lie together in bed. The chicken smokes a cigarette and smiles with satisfaction. The egg frowns and mutters, "Well, I guess we answered that question!"
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"
Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.
Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"
[[Daily Jokes]]
How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.
Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."
George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."
Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark . . . "
Mickey goes to the judge after speaking to him before about getting a divorce with Minney. The judge says "I'm sorry Mickey but I couldn't find grounds for divorce for being insane. Mickey looks stunned and says "I didn't say she was insane I said she was fuc**** Goofy
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that he would give him 10 bucks if he could put it back in.
Tommy left for a bit and said "Ok Grandpa, watch this". Tommy then pushed the worm right back down in the hole.
The Grandpa got out the 10 dollars and gave it to Tommy.
Tommy said "Grandpa I can't keep this because I cheated. I sprayed the worm with hair spray. That's why I was able to do that."
Grandpa said "No, you keep it."
The next morning at breakfast Grandpa walked up to Tommy and gave him another 10 bucks.
Tommy said "No Grandpa. You already paid me."
Grandpa replied "That money was from Grandma.
There once was a boy called Matty who didnt have a body, he only had a head.
Then it came to his 18th birthday, so his dad who felt sorry for him took for a pint down the local pub, Matty was very excited about having his 1st drink of alcohol , so the proud father came in and placed Matty down on the bar and ordered 2 pints.
Then the father poured the beer into Mattys mouth, and once he'd finished a body had grown onto Mattys head, so he kept drinking and by the end of the night he was a normal man, with arms, legs, toes and fingers, but Matty kept on drinking.
The lesson you should learn from this is to always 'Quit while your a head'
There is a man that just got done eating dinner and he was on his way to a party.
Half way there he said, "man i really gotta take a dump." he got off the freeway, found an abandoned gas station went in there and took a dump.
While he was taking this dump he read a sign that said "There is no tolet paper... You have wipe your ass with your first two fingers, then stick them out the hole and they will be licked clean for you."
Well, he had no choice so he wiped his ass with his fingers and stuck them out the hole.
All of a sudden a guy with two bricks smacked his fingers.
The man screamed with pain and licked his own fingers.
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
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