An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor c
A man was driving down the highway late one night when his mini-van broke down. He turned on his flashers and tried to get someone's attention to help him. Eventually a Lamburgini Countash pulls up.
Have you ever had a resume rejected? Don't ever let it happen again. The next time that nasty old rejection letter comes your way, respond with your own:
My name is Nicole, but I prefer you call me Nikki. Do NOT call me sexy or baby.
My birth date is July, 24. Woo Hoo! Go Leo's!!
My reasoning for being on this site, is purely friendship. I'm engaged and have a beautiful son. I'm not interested in your thoughts of me being engaged at such a young age. Sorry, but it's none of your business.
I love chatting with people and making new friends. But don't message me with one word, or (No Subject) messages. And if you really want to catch my eye, put something interesting in the subject line. I'm super friendly but I refuse to try and converse with someone who can't spell correctly, or can't put a sentence together.
I absolutely adore Hello Kitty. You might call it a little bit of an obsession. That's okay, I don't mind ^_~
My soon-to-be husband and I own and run a DJ company that plays at weddings, and other events. If you live in the area and would like more info, feel free to drop me a line.
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel hears his plea and appears to him, "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.
The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.
Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suitcase Peter says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
But the man explains to him that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."
Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!?!"
At an open conference in Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the audience which sort of taxation they thought was the most fair and equitable.
There was a pause, and then a white-haired man in the back raised his hand. "The poll tax," he said.
"But the poll tax was repealed some time ago," replied the commissioner.
"Ay-yuh," declared the old man, "that's what I like about it."
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel hears his plea and appears to him, "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.
The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.
Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suitcase Peter says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
But the man explains to him that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."
Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!?!"
At an open conference in Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the audience which sort of taxation they thought was the most fair and equitable.
There was a pause, and then a white-haired man in the back raised his hand. "The poll tax," he said.
"But the poll tax was repealed some time ago," replied the commissioner.
"Ay-yuh," declared the old man, "that's what I like about it."