Ways to Annoy People
On the Subway
Take large objects on the train with you.
Sing songs. Start a round with everyone on the train.
Eat onions and garlic and talk to the people next to you.
Sell stuff.
Stand in front of the doorway and glare at people when they try to get by.
Yell to your friends at the other end of the train.
Make fun of other people while they are in hearing distance of you.
Ride the train while drunk. Extra points if you throw up.
Constantly ask people for directions.
Ask people where they are from.
Ask people where they are going.
Quiz people on the meaning of life.
Start a game of poker. Extra points if it's strip poker.
Start a game of tag. Extra points if it's strip tag.
Start a game of twister.
Use a cell phone. Talk loudly.
Turn your headphones up to 120 decibels and then complain loudly that they just don't make headphones loud enough anymore.
Shake off your umbrella on the people sitting down.
Shake off your hair on the people sitting down.
Ring out your shirt on the people sitting down. Even on days when it's not raining. Make them wonder where it all came from.
Ring out the shirt of the person sitting next to you.
Bring a pet. Preferable a rattlesnake. Without a cage.
Juggle eggs.
Real Crimes Committed By Dumb Criminals
Chicago: A man was wanted for throwing bricks through jewelry store windows and making off with the loot. He was arrested last night after throwing a brick into a Plexiglas window...the brick bounced back, hit him in the head and knocked him cold until the police got there.
Portsmouth, RI: Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he: 1. fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and 2. later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.
Lake City, Florida: Karen Lee Joachimi, 20, was arrested for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chainsaw, which was not plugged in.
When Stan Caddell wanted to wash his Chevrolet, he backed the car into a foot of water in the Mississippi River at Hannibal, Missouri. When he got out to clean the car, it floated away. Police were able to retrieve the vehicle some distance downstream. According to an officer on the scene, no action would be taken against the driver because "you can't ticket a guy for being stupid..."
It is sad when being kind leads to someone hating on you by spamming you.I am closing this account but have created a new one.If you dont mind me sending things then please join me at my new account. I will be closing this account http://www.myyearbook.com/beasmaster1989
Please feel the emptiness that the Neglected Orphan children of the world feels everyday and show compassion by helping me reach 10,000 yes's by pulling a rose on my profile.Lets stop the next tear from falling.
A Bad Breakfast
A man sits down at a table in a restaurant and asks the waitress: "Do you serve breakfast here?"
"Sure; what'll it be?" the waitress responds.
"I'll have some watery scrambled eggs .. and some burnt toast ... and some weak coffee, lukewarm." says the man.
"Whatever you say, sir." says the waitress.
The man then says "Now, are you doing anything while the order is going through?"
"Why - no sir." she responds.
"Great" says the man "then sit here and nag me a while ... I'm homesick!"
If hugs were a second... I'd send you hours. If smiles were water... I'd send you the sea. If friendship was a person... I'd send you me. This poem shows lots of appreciation... So send this to all of your friends and let them know you will always care bout them. Send this back to the person that send this to you * * * * * * if you consider them a friend.
What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness? What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life. I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will. Remember, everyone needs a friend. dont ever leave the one u love for the one u like, because the one u like will leave u for the one they love.
If you wake up in a red room with no windows and doors, DON'T panic.. you're just in my heart!!! Send this to all the friends you want to keep forever...
Today is Best friend Day. Send this to all of your friends, and me if I am one.
If you get 7 back you are LOVED
If hugs were a second... I'd send you hours. If smiles were water... I'd send you the sea. If friendship was a person... I'd send you me. This poem shows lots of appreciation... So send this to all of your friends and let them know you will always care bout them. Send this back to the person that send this to you * * * * * * if you consider them a friend.
What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness? What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life. I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will. Remember, everyone needs a friend. dont ever leave the one u love for the one u like, because the one u like will leave u for the one they love.
If you wake up in a red room with no windows and doors, DON'T panic.. you're just in my heart!!! Send this to all the friends you want to keep forever...
Today is Best friend Day. Send this to all of your friends, and me if I am one.
If you get 7 back you are LOVED
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves t o death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head of f.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm.)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-han ded people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) (probably another government expense)< /B>
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.
In other words, send it to everyone !