If You Love Someone
Put Their Name
In A Circle Not A Heart,
A Heart Can Break
But A Circle Goes On Forever.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Here's to a long life and a merry one
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer and another one!

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

One day as I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

"Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. (A life sentence!)

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.

whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door....

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first name basis with the person who
makes all their decisions.

Tomorrow, I’ll have enough money to buy you anything you want and take you wherever you want to go – all you need to do is drive the getaway car.

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
haha
HEY you i hope you make your night the best you possibilly can!!!!

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

IF A MAN SAYS SOMETHING IN THE WOODS, AND NO WOMAN IS AROUND, IS HE STILL WRONG???!!! YOU R MARVELOUS!!!

True friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget. HEY U R AMAZING!!!

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.